I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
