butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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