It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
