well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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