i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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