apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
