If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
