the condom got lost in my hair
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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