i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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