I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
