last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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