): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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