grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
