I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
