Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
