He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
why is half of my head shaved?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
