it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
