HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
