So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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