Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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