We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
