My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
