I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
