feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I supernannyed him into submission
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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