and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
