I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
