Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
