I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
