Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize