i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
