I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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