my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he shaved USA in his pubs
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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