i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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