Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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