dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
