At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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