I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
