i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
