At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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