apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
