Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
