One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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