WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
