it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
