so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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