I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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