My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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