Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
