This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
