Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
