Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
