Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
