roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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