Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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