I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
