the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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