new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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