I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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