I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
