I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
