I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
