the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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