So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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