My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
