i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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