Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I could fuck to npr.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
