You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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